i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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