so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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