On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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