brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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