we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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