So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize