he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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