we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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