Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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