She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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