is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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