OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize