Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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