dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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