apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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