We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize