someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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