haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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