we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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