god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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