Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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