I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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