i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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