mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
the raccoons are back...
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