We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize