We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
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I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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