A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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