i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize