saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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