and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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