I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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