Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Randomize
Follow @tfln