I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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