Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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