The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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