you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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