That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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