We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Send help, water and tortillas.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize