I need to stop coming to work sober
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize