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her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
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