it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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