it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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