Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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