fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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