Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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