I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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