his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize