I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize