yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize