i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
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God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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